Not That Kind of Love Read online

  Not That Kind of Love

  By

  K.S. Martin

  Table of Contents

  Her Best Friend ©2013 by K.S.Martin. All rights reserved.

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Her Best Friend ©2013 by K.S.Martin. All rights reserved.

  Chapter 1

  “Come on Mich, I have a meeting at eight. What are you doing in there?” I glanced out of the bathroom and looked at him. He was leaned against the counter sipping his coffee, pretty as usual, dress pants slung low on his hips, my belly clenched. It always did when I looked at him. My coffee was waiting in the travel cup I always carried. “I’m going to leave you here.” He called from behind the paper. I heard him refill his cup and pour in more cream from my fridge. He scanned the front page of the newspaper that he’d gotten from my door step, and then opened it to the sports section. He smiled when he saw the hockey scores, the Washington Capitals must have beat the Pittsburgh Penguins, he hated the Penguins. Jamie had an intoxicating smile.

  “If I were early, you wouldn’t be enjoying your second cup of my coffee and ogling the hockey scores in my paper. Gimme.” I reached for my cup that he was handing to me as I passed him. “Come on bossy, scoot so I can lock the door. Did you lock yours?” He hurried into the hallway and checked his door as he passed. Grace in motion. The woman that lived across the hall was bending over to get her newspaper off her mat. She gave Jamie the once over with a ‘come in and do me’ smile. Jamie had a look that made women want to offer.

  “Yes dear.” He said in a cartoon voice. “What are you doing after work? Do you want to grab a beer at Ryan’s?” He called over his shoulder, pushing the elevator button. I jogged as best I could in the four inch pumps to catch up to him when I heard the ding.

  “Yeah why not, maybe that hottie will be there again.” He made a face. Jamie did not like the hottie guy that I continuously checked out. “I can’t help myself. The man makes me want to swoon.” I fell back against the elevator wall with the back of my hand pressed to my forehead. He ignored me, his face passive.

  “I was thinking b-ball but whatever. Did you hit the gym last night?” He sipped his coffee glancing at me over the rim of his cup.

  “Yeah, I ran five miles and hit the weights. You should run with me, and then I wouldn’t have to run in the creepy basement.” I stepped out of the elevator and walked ahead of him to his sports car.

  “I don’t want you to feel bad when I leave you in the dust and it’s your turn to drive sweetie.” He said sarcastically as he walked to my SUV and stood at the passenger side. His large hand rapped the roof of it.

  “Out of gas darling, we will never make it on time if we stop and we will not make it at all if we don’t.” I called out in a sing song voice as I patted my hand on the top of his car. “Come on, I’ll go twice. We’re going to be late, let’s go!” I urged him. He inhaled deeply and let the breath out loudly, muttering and walked slowly to the driver’s side. He unlocked the doors with the keyless remote. I opened my door as soon as I heard the ‘boop boop’ echo off of the garage walls.

  “You suck Mich. Do the world a favor and buy a hybrid then you won’t have to worry about filling up all of the time.” He glared at me once he sat down behind the wheel.

  “Oh yeah you sure would look tough crawling out of a Prius Mr. six foot four. However, I will make the sacrifice for you my angel if you really want me too.” I sank down into the cool leather and patted his knee. I reached for the radio dial but he smacked my hand and put the channel back to the station he liked. I pouted playfully. I scanned my files on the drive, rarely looking at him or at the traffic. I crossed my legs, I was wearing a pencil skirt, and I saw Jamie watching me as he sang along to the radio. The movement must have distracted him. I loved to listen to him sing sometimes it was a little over the top but I loved it anyway. He had a deep voice that just slid into my ear and got me all, what’s the word? Gooey. I would never tell him that because he would freak out, so I just listened pretending to read. He whipped into a parking place with ten minutes to spare.

  “See you later handsome,” I winked at him, “have a killer meeting!” I hurried across the lot to my building jogging in my heels. He went into his across the parking lot. I always called him handsome or darling or baby and a lot of people didn’t get that about us but neither of us cared. Jamie and I had been best friends since kindergarten. He lived three doors down and moved in the day before school began that year. He sat down in the seat next mine and Jenny’s on the school bus and from that day on we were the three musketeers, until the day after our thirteenth birthday when she drowned. Jamie and I were stuck like glue since that day. Jenny went under, she fell through thin ice on the pond where we skated and Jenny was terrified of water. She would not attempt to try to learn to swim, not even from me. I dove in after her, she was my identical twin and I had to save her, I was the oldest after all. Later, I woke up with Jamie breathing in my mouth and a crowd of people hovering and watching. All of them looked scared. Jenny was pulled out of the frozen pond six tortuous hours later, she was whiter than white and she was dead. I still have nightmares about the whole thing, and I still miss her, Jamie misses her too. Sometimes the nightmares are really bad and weird. I dream about what she looked like when she came out of the water and then I’m looking at myself in a mirror and I look like that. It’s freaky. I haven’t had that one for a long time, thankfully. I am twenty five now but it feels like yesterday. Every time I have the dream about diving in after her, I wake up screaming and shivering, it is truly amazing what the mind can make the body believe. If it’s the other one I wake up screaming and clawing at my face. I have a small scar beside my nose from one particularly bad one.

  I stopped in the Starbucks in the lobby of the building and got a tall Caramel Macchiato. Various people said ‘good morning,’ and I answered each of them on the way to my office putting on my best smile. I’m pretty shy but not so much that I can’t say hello. I’ve gotten bolder with age. In grade school and middle school, I kept my head down a lot. I put the tall coffee on my assistant’s desk and went to my office. I checked email while I finished the coffee I’d brought from home. I replied, forwarded and filed as I went. I opened the folder that I’d studied in the car. I put the final touches on a spreadsheet open on my desk top and sent it upstairs. It was already ten. Hannah, my assistant, refilled my coffee cup and said something about me eating. Most executives want a young well endowed blonde in short skirts to assist them but not me. I read her resume, interviewed eight other candidates but I already knew it would be Hannah that I selected sight unseen. She was not a young woman, so no small children to interfere. She had Ms. In front of her name, so no husband to worry over. Most important of all though she had graduated secretarial school, who did that in this day and age? Hannah did not go to college to get a degree so that she could move up because she wanted to be a secretary, now she was called an office assistant. All I know is that she can type ninety words per minute and she can keep my entire calendar in her head even though she always verifies on the computer. She never calls in sick, she’s always early and stays late and she fusses over me like a mother hen. That’s nice sometimes, other times it can be unnerving. She doesn’t question my relationship with Jamie, she makes sure that I eat and she knows shorthand. Nobody knows that anymore either. I make sure that I bring her flowers on Fridays, I make her take her
vacations, I do her taxes for free and once a week I bring her a tall Starbucks Caramel Macchiato. She came back with a yogurt from my office fridge and a plastic spoon. Hannah was a dream. I couldn’t have made a better choice. I put my feet up on the window sill to relax for a minute, my cell phone rang then and I answered it.

  “I love those shoes you have propped up on the sill there darling! Look out of your window.” I could hear the smile in his voice. I stood up and did as I was told. Jamie was waving at me from a window across the parking lot. I threw my hands up and shook my head. “I got a new corner office, what do you think?”

  “You rock man! What did you do to deserve that?” I smiled brightly at him.

  “I just saved the company six million dollars with a contract I wrote. I am now the manager of the section. I got a sweet raise and this office. Beers are on me tonight.” His hand was flat against the window. I put my hand up on my window to mimic his.

  “You’re the man Jamie! And the beers were on you anyway baby! See you later.” I smiled again and winked although I doubt he could see it. I was doing that a lot lately, note to self, stop winking, it’s getting creepy. He’ll think something is going on. Even though I wish it were, it’s not.

  “Mich, wait, are you free for lunch?” He was still watching me. With the sun shining more in his direction, I could see how blue his eyes were from my window. God he’s gorgeous.

  “Noon, at the corner?” He nodded through the window and we disconnected the line.

  ***

  I arrived at the deli on the corner before Jamie. I ordered his usual tuna on rye with lettuce and tomato and ordered myself the house salad with lemon and olive oil. I sat down with the tray at our table by the window. I took a drink of the spring water and when I saw him come in, I waved. Jamie sat down across from me and picked up his sandwich. He chewed and swallowed. Watching Jamie eat is the biggest turn on. I love to watch the muscles in his jaw work. The muscle is the shape of a beating heart when he chews. I love the way his long fingers curve around the sandwich making it seem so small in them. I would love for those fingers to curve around various parts of my body. Jamie has very nice hands with long tapered fingers and trimmed fingernails. I stopped staring when he looked up and dropped my eyes to my lunch. I perfected that talent years ago. He doesn’t like to be stared at. “So, six million huh? How did you pull that off? That’s pretty awesome.” I took a bite of my salad and chewed slowly. Chewing slowly is the key to eating less, that and lots of water or so they say. I prefer coffee, same difference, right?

  “Yeah well, it’s no big deal. It’s just a matter of knowing the devil is in the details. It was a construction contract for the new building we are handling on Adams?” I nodded like I knew what he was talking about but more so he would keep talking. I love to listen to him. His voice does strange things to my deepest darkest places and the more he speaks the wetter I will get. Jamie is only aware that my face sometimes flushes and that I squirm a lot, he has no idea why, just assumes that I need to pee. He’s given me some curious glances from time to time but he’s never asked. If he did ask, I would never admit it, not out loud, well probably not. It would be way too embarrassing without a few beers in me I don’t think I could be that brave. “I wrote into the bid invitation that the company must own at least eighty percent of the equipment that they would need and that we would not pay for any rental costs…” I like to watch his lips when he speaks and I like to imagine them on me. Jamie is very animated sometimes and he uses his hands and makes funny faces that tickle me. “And boom six million! The boss was so impressed he promoted me.” His smile was so wide that it was infectious, it was always infectious.

  “Way to go. You’re on your way up man.” I held up my hand for a high five which he returned. He took another bite of the tuna. I thought about how he had negotiated our apartment contracts when we signed our leases. He got us free gym access and a hundred dollars off a month each since we were renting two apartments at once. He told the leasing agent that we needed the space. He was really amazing.

  Chapter 2

  We ended up at Ryan’s Pub after work and watched a game from our usual stools at the bar. Pete the bartender kept our mugs filled during games. We slapped high fives when our team scored and booed when the referee called us on fouls. Jamie and I walked arm in arm back to our building and leaned on each other in the elevator like drunks do laughing at a joke the Pete told us. “Good night Mich.” He said when he stopped at his door to let himself in and I kept walking further down the hall to my own.

  “G’night Jamie.” I slurred. I let myself into my apartment flipping on lights and I heard his door close and lock once I was inside. I stripped out of my clothes as I went through the living room to my bedroom leaving a trail of clothes as I went. I turned my laptop on as I passed by it and went to find my pajamas. I was tired and rather fuzzy from the beers. I flopped across the bed to rest for just a second, and then I would put my pajamas on and check email, and pay a few bills. I did not last more than a few seconds before I was sound asleep.

  “Jenny! No!” I scream, “Come back, it’s too thin there!” The bitter wind is stinging my cheeks. She drops as soon as she’s turned to face me, her arms lifting like a bird about to take flight, she disappears, just vanishes way too fast. I run screaming her name. It’s so cold, the wind is turning bitter and it’s whipping at my hair. I hope Mom will have cocoa waiting, I think. I slide across the ice on my red boots with the black fur around the tops to where she’d gone down. I can’t see her, not under the water and not anywhere under the ice. I strip my hat and gloves off. I dive in head first, I hear Jamie screaming my name frantically behind me but I go in anyway. He doesn’t know everything, he just thinks he does. The water stabs at me. Icy hot daggers slice into my flesh. It’s so cold, freezing. I’ve never been so cold, my hands and feet are already numb. I keep swimming down, I can’t see her, and the water is too dark and thick with rotting leaves. My lungs are on fire, the water is biting my skin and I’m shaking while I am trying to find her. It feels like my heart is vibrating in my chest, shivering as I am. My coat is so heavy and it’s pulling at me. It’s weighing me down. I pull it off trying to swim faster. I can’t find her, I have to find her. How deep could this water be? ‘She is just nowhere’ is my last thought before everything fades out first to purple at the edges then to total blackness.

  “It’s okay Mich, it’s okay.” He’s rocking me now. I can feel his arms are around me, they’re warm and safe. I always feel so safe when he has me like this. I’m sobbing and still calling her name. He helps me up and holds me, we’re swaying and I’m shaking violently and sobbing like always when I have this nightmare. Hypnosis hasn’t helped, ten years of therapy didn’t do shit and sleeping pills don’t do anything to stop the nightmares. I just have them and Jenny dies in every one of them. He carries me back to my bed and sits on the edge with me still shivering in his lap. Sometimes I end up in the kitchen floor, sometimes it’s the bathroom, and once I even ended up on the coffee table. I am always kneeling though and clawing at the floor or whatever is under me trying to swim, I always scream, shiver, and sob. Jamie always pulls me out of it just like he did that day. The sobs have stopped but I am still shivering. He lies down with me and holds me until I stop. He never says anything except ‘it’s okay Mich.’ Jamie pulls the covers up to my chin now and switches the light off in the bedroom, and living room. He flips the lock and let’s himself out. I breathe deep trying to go back to sleep, but I can’t, I never can after one. I lay there and stare at the reflected headlights from outside dance across the ceiling.

  I finally got up and got dressed. I’d only slept four hours before the nightmare and now it’s a little past one. I grabbed my keys and took the SUV out to get gas because I was supposed to do that earlier and he will expect me to drive in the morning. When I pulled back into the garage, a sleepy Jamie was getting into his car. Seeing me, he shut the door and locked it. “What the hell Mich?” He said
when I’d parked and opened the door. His keys are in his fist at his side, but he’s obviously upset and more than a little pissed. His hair was tousled and his chin was covered in stubble, Jamie was never in this state of disarray but he was still gorgeous.

  “It’s my turn tomorrow.” I answered weakly knowing I shouldn’t have gone out at this time of night especially without telling him. He exhaled the breath he’d been holding.

  “I was worried, I came back to make sure you were okay and you were gone.” My brows furrowed. “I didn’t know if you were sleep driving now or what.” He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. Jamie has always been a hugger, really touchy feely. I never was but I always let him hold me. It makes us both feel better. He took another deep breath, his face in my hair and let me go. I followed him to the elevator without talking. “You couldn’t sleep, could you?” I shook my head and shoved my hands in my jacket pockets. “Do you want me to come and stay with you?” I really wanted him to, I wanted him to come over and hold me all night, and I wanted him to hold me so tight I wouldn’t be able to move. I shook my head because I shouldn’t be his responsibility, but I didn’t look at him, if I did, he would see the lie. He always saw the lie because he had an irritating ability of reading my mind. It was scary on so many levels. His mother always said it was because we were so familiar with each other and he knows me better than he knows himself. Personally, I think he has ESP. Whatever you call it, if I’m lying to Jamie, my head is down and I am studying at my shoes. “Michelle Suzanne, you are lying to me.” He accused. My head snapped up. How the hell does he do that? “If you want me to come over, just ask.” He scowled. “I won’t think less of you because you need comfort. God, do you think…? Never mind. I’ll be over.” I hate it when he does that. I hate it when he makes me feel like a child. He stomped off of the elevator ahead of me and snapped his door unlocked. He disappeared inside without looking back at me. I let myself in my apartment and threw my jacket and purse into a chair. I kicked my shoes off under it and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I came out Jamie’s pink flamingo covered ass was sticking out of my fridge. I sucked in a sharp breath, he has a beautiful ass. It’s perfect and sexy, just the curve of it tightens muscles deep inside of me that I never use. I shook my head to clear it and went into the bedroom. I kicked out of my pants and peeled my trouser socks off. I unbuttoned the shirt that I’d worn to work but had put back on to go out and dropped it on top of the pile, my bra followed. I was bent over in a drawer looking for something to wear to bed when I heard him come into the room. He pinched my side to tickle me and I jumped as expected. I pulled one of his old tee shirts over my head and picked up my pile of dirty clothes to toss them into the laundry basket. He was stretched out on my bed. Jamie was beautiful. He had a great body, one that any girl would drool over. His skin wasn’t so much as tanned but just naturally a golden color. He had sandy blondish brown hair and a nice jaw. His eyes were a deep blue sometimes indigo unless he was angry then they lightened to more of a gray color. He had never required a lot of grooming, just a haircut once in a while and he was perfect. I twisted and tied my hair into a bun at the nape of my neck out of habit or he would complain about it. His arms were strong and muscled, as was his chest. He spent a lot of time on sit ups, crunches and abs workouts. ‘The ladies love the abs,’ he’d said. It had paid off because he had achieved a fabulous wash board belly as well as plenty of offers. I hated that. He had never been overly hairy but did have a very interesting happy trail, the trail of hair from his navel into his waistband. I smiled at the pink flamingoes on his pajama bottoms. His mother gushed that they were ‘sooo cute’ and she just couldn’t resist them last Christmas. Since his Dad would never be caught dead in pink, she bought them for Jamie. Jamie likes to boast that only a ‘real’ man will wear pink. I liked them, they always made me grin. “What?” A smile played about his mouth. “You like my sexy pants?” He asked when I chuckled.